Back to Basics

This week was a tough one, but good in the way of introspection.

The high from the 15K last Saturday was great. But, where there are highs there are lows. This week I just felt worn out. Come mid week my legs were heavy, and I had a tough time keeping my Marathon Goal Pace (MGP) for 35 minutes on my Wednesday run. I've set my MGP at 7:55 min/miles, so it was a bit disheartening to struggle for 35 minutes at that speed when on Saturday I kept a 7:35 pace for 9.3 miles. But, that's why I'm not supposed to try and run a race every day I suppose.

Thursday I traveled down to Orlando and ended up squeaking a run in with Tyler before his soccer game, which I ended up filling in as one of their girls (only 5 of your 8 players can be guys). Run was great, as it always is with him, soccer was fun, even though I was beyond rusty. I think I paid for it the next days with some calf issues, getting old sucks because apparently you can't just play a random sport without some minor consequences.

Friday I was slated for 60 minutes with some strides mixed in but opted for a day off, as I was getting a clear message from the old body that she needed a rest. The next day I was running the run portion of an equestrian, mountain biking, running relay. Friday was a super fun day, I actually spent the early part with my dear friend Heather and the later part with Tyler and a myriad of his work friends. We started at 3pm with a baby shower/happy hour, then moved to another happy hour downtown, then another bar, and then ended the night at the UCF USF hockey game, getting into bed around 2am. Note: drinking from 3-10 with little water in between is not the best way to prepare for a wake up time of 6:30am to run 4 miles in the woods.

Saturday morning I realized I was not invincible and that dehydration and lack of sleep does in fact impair your physical and mental functions. My main problem that developed post Newnan's Lake run was I got cocky.

I ran decent on Saturday but felt terrible. The post race drive was probably the worst part. I was on the verge of tears for various reasons, all of which were a bit blown out of proportion by my physical state.

So what did I learn, or more importantly, what would I have done differently? I'm not sure. The obvious answer would be to have drank less beer and more water, or maybe eaten better, slept longer. But, I'm not sure that I would do those things in retrospect (well maybe the more water part). I had a really great time with good people that I don't see too often, and even though I don't like to invite it, humility is necessary, and I'm better for it.

Sunday I needed to run for 2 hours and 30 minutes, which equaled about 17 miles. Given my Saturday breakdown I was really nervous about hitting the pavement for that amount of time. The run turned out to be perfectly wonderful, weather, route, even my broken down body did great. It felt really nice to not worry about speed and just go, concentrating on form. What a perfect way to end a volatile week, it helped me find the old me.

Will I drink for 7 hours before my marathon in May? No. Will I try and keep my ego in check? Yes.

Newnan's Lake 15K

What a great morning! For whatever reason this is my favorite Gainesville race. It's simple, no frills out and back 15K (9.3 miles) on Newnan's Lake in East Gainesville. Florida Track Club puts it on and I just love it. This year was especially high inducing!

The weather was really perfect. Years past it's been colder, which is fine once you get going but the pre-race always feels a bit miserable. This was perfect before and during.

My goal for the day was 1:12:00, I ran a 1:10:51. Nice, felt great!

I did get passed at the very end by two girls, which put me 14th overall woman finisher (I think!). I came in 4th in my age group so I just missed an award... oh well! I was stoked by my time so that's what matters. If I had been one month older I would have placed 2nd, so that was encouraging!

Jacque, Diana and Chrissy all ran so we rode to the race together. All of them have been resting more than running lately, but I thought they all did great! It was nice to have friends around for a run that could be happy for each other and enjoy a great day.

The first call I placed was a text to Tyler, after all he was the one that helped me decide on my goal time. I swear the 2nd half of the race I was just hoping to finish below my goal so I could tell him the good news. It's such a great feeling to have someone that knows exactly what it takes to meet a goal, be proud of you. Don't get me wrong Bill and my friends and family are so great at rooting for me, but when someone has done all the hard work and can come alongside you while you do yours and genuinely be impressed and proud... priceless! His confidence in me is one of the main themes of this season of running. I really can't imagine this training without him.

After the race Bill and I drove down to Orlando to take Amy's kids to the Science Center. During the drive down I told Bill that I don't know of a better feeling than a post race bliss, it's really one of the best ways to start my morning! The Science Center was fun, I think the kids had a blast. Truthfully I'd rather run 30 miles everyday than be a parent to 3 kids at this stage in my life. It's completely exhausting, and I question that I will ever get to the place of wanting children. I love kids, I really do, but I know that I would want to give them 100% of me, and I don't think I could sustain that. But that is a whole other type of blog!!

Oh Mr. Yasso...

So, last night I decided that I would do some of those oh so famous Yasso 800s. No big deal right? I figured that I'm still a ways out from the marathon, and he suggests you start them 2 months out, so I thought "I'm gonna kill these things, I'm in such good shape right now!". NOT SO. I decided to start with 3 (eventually you are supposed to work up to 10 in your marathon predictor time, i.e. want to run a 3:30 marathon = run 10 800s each in 3 minutes 30 sec... in case you aren't familiar with this form of torture!).

The UF track is packed, I have a really hard time parking. All these shirtless people looking very serious. They're coaches everywhere I swear. I stroll up feeling pretty confident about this workout that I am going to tear up before heading over to run some slower miles at the ramps with a friend. First thing that puts me out of place is my headphones, I'm not sure where but somewhere there must be a rule that headphones on the track are an abomination because I swear everyone is glaring at me when I walk up. It might have also been that technically the track isn't open till 6pm to the public (I was there at 5:45pm), but there were a couple larger individuals walking so I felt better about that "rule".

I start with a nice easy 400 warm up. I was going to warm up for a mile or so, but because of the parking situation I was in a hurry. I have this swanky bounce in my step, jamming to my music. Okay, once around now time for the Yasso. I take off and kill the first 400 (because I did full loops it works out to be more like 440 each), then the second lap I struggle but still come in at 3:24. Not bad I think. See I could run a 3:25 marathon if I wanted... WRONG.

I do my little 3:30 recovery and then begin the second 800 (which I'm saying is 880 to make myself feel better). I start out slower, realizing that I started out a little too ambitious last time. Came in at 3:31, not bad, not bad. Still feeling pretty hot. During my little recovery I'm having the debate in my head, "well, I'm running late, maybe I should just do two."... "no, you told yourself 3, don't fall short of your goal, real runners wouldn't do 2". I think I knew what was about to happen, serious tankage. Last one is rough, I come in at 3:45. Big drop! Thank God I didn't set out to do 4!

I went to bed exhausted! My usual tossing and turning for 30 minutes while my brain sorts through stuff didn't have much power over me last night. This morning I woke up briefly to see Bill off to work and then didn't wake up till 9:45! I don't remember the last time I did that! From 3 damn 800s! ...well 880s

Humility is good for the soul... and getting your butt kicked makes you want to get back out there and kick the butt of what kicked you! So I'm determined to conquer those Yassos!

Running in Cemeteries

In the last week I've ran through two different cemeteries, on two different runs, in two different states. Neither one was a planned addition to the route, just spur of the moment, "hey, I'm gonna go in there".

I'm not sure why I'm always drawn to them. I remember taking a road trip with my lifelong friend Julie, up the east coast. We must have stopped at like 7, it was like the cemetery vacation. We took oodles of photos, spent hours amongst graves and underground bones. Personally, my plan would be cremation so my intrigue doesn't even translate to my own burial decisions.

Perhaps it's the strong sense of realness I get when entering those iron gates. The neighborhood surrounding them may be paved and decorated and humming with the days activities, but behind those gates are histories, years of sadness and joys and the reality that nothing and no one lasts forever.

Coming up on the big 30, it's beginning to sink in that if I am granted a long life, it's still about 1/3 over. I've been meandering around my 1/3 life crisis the last few months, and I've settled on not trying so hard. The expectations I've set for myself have always been just beyond what I'm doing. To some that might sound healthy, like having goals, striving for something better, but for me it's been hell. I've disliked myself most moments because I've never been good enough, never tried hard enough. I've lived in a constant state of guilt. It's a hidden misery.

I want to be done with that. My prayer is one of release. I want to let God have some room because I'm exhausted.

So, the last few months I've stepped away from my goodwill type of commitments, asking God to place small manageable things in front of me until I can handle re-entering the world of service. Yesterday, running through the cemetery I got a wave of desire to contact the person starting Girls on the Run in Gainesville (www.girlsontherun.com). As I've said before, running has become my form of worship to the Creator, so my hope is that through it he'll keep me balanced. I know what it's like to be unrecognizably depressed, put all your hope in boys, be obsessed with image, and feel like no one understands. Apparently, Girls on the Run works at dealing with those issues that affect so many pre-teens, and they do it through running and healthy lifestyles. Love it!

Cemeteries are alluring, but for now I prefer to run, very much alive, through them, acutely aware of the contrast. I'd like to think those buried there are cheering me on to live and run hard while I'm able.

Disney Half Marathon

WOW!

My week started off with three days in a row receiving sad news reports from different friends about the goings ons in their lives. I felt beat up, my heart ached badly for my friends. Empathy is funny like that I guess. It doesn't seem productive to feel others pain when there is nothing you can do to fix it. But, I realized that what we can do is be there, maybe this helps lighten the load? I'm grateful that I have the time to share that space of grief with the ones I love.

One friend lost his dad this week, with no warning. At the end of the week he played two concerts, played his guts out, lit up the room. God bless him. We all have those passions which can help us come through tragedy. Maybe that was part of God's plan all along, giving us talents not just to be enjoyed lightly but to create a spiritual link to him and his unexplainable peace.

So, on Friday (as well as Thursday and Saturday) night I got to hug my friend before he went on stage, one of those real I see you and love you kind of hugs. He made me cry with his music. Due to the concert we didn't go to bed till 1:30 AM. I stayed at Tyler's so we could head to Disney together come 4:20 AM.

Two friends of my parents had paid entries to the Disney 1/2 Marathon on Saturday and they were unable to run in the event. Tyler and I had planned on running for 2 hours together anyway, since I was going down for the concert, so we happily agreed to take their entries and have a Disney experience.

What a day! We got to Epcot at 5:00 AM and as we were waiting for the port-o-potties the SNOW was coming down! SNOW at DISNEY... REAL SNOW! It was fantastic! Magical really. During the race the snow turned to light sleet and then rain, but it was all worth it. We ran for fun not time and had a BLAST. We hooted and hollered, high fived spectators, even sang happy birthday to someone on the course. Having been one of the last 200 people to cross the start line (the original registrants are run-walkers), we were very pleased with our 2:02 finish time. I think we ran half the race on the grass or in the gutters!

This past weekend was one of the most special times I've had. I got to spend some treasured time with some of the most beautiful people I know, including my favorite author/prophet/speaker Shane Claiborne! I think I had a glimpse at what the community will be like in heaven, connecting with souls on a non-verbal level of deepness. The crap at the beginning of the week made us all vulnerable enough to need each other. I wouldn't call it God's will that crap happens, because I don't believe in that sort of deity, but I do believe in the God of love and relationships and that he is able to lead the intimacy that can come out of dark times.

DeLeon Springs 1/2 Marathon

1:44:35, PR'd by 13 minutes, placed 2nd in my age group!

What a great cold morning! I awoke at 4:20am to leave the house by 5am, to get to DeLeon Springs, race started at 8am. It was in the 20s when I woke up, so even though I like my runs cold, this was a bit too cold for the ideal Kim weather. But, nevertheless I arrived around 7am and shivered my way over to pick up my number and shirt and stand in the bathroom line.

It was a small race, only 167 runners for the 1/2 Marathon. A simple out and back course on a rural road. It was cheap, flat and semi-local, so it was great!

I started the first mile "slow" and then gave myself the liberty to speed up. From the first .10 mile I noticed an intense arch pain in my right foot. If you had asked me at mile 1 if I thought I was going to be able to complete the race I would have said no. But, I took 1 mile at a time, and it hurt like hell the whole way. What was it? Who really knows, I've never felt that pain before, not even slightly, but my suspicion is that it had something to do with the massage I got on Wednesday. Wendy (my massage therapist) worked on that particular foot for awhile, she said it was starting to buckle. My guess is something was loosened and wasn't prepared for an intense run. It's still sore today, but I'm hoping this week of running it will resolve itself.

So, I know in certain circles PRIDE is almost like a four letter word (even though it's five). But, I'm not ashamed to say that I'm proud of myself. I know I couldn't do any of this without the gift of my body, my health, and my husband, but I still have worked really hard to improve this quickly. It's been really fun overall, but there are still some days where I flat out just don't want to put on those darn running shoes. But running a sub 8:00 min/mile pace for a 1/2 marathon and feeling good doing it (minus the foot thing) makes it all worth it!

I just can't believe that this Boston Qualifying goal is actually reachable, like realistically reachable. It's moved from a maybe someday way far off to really really close.